I'm not the type of person to focus on outer beauty, but like most women, I love dressing up, wearing make-up and just keeping an all-around fresh look. I'm not afraid of people seeing my flaws: I have acne, freckles and I'm definitely bigger then the average girl. Those things honestly don't bother me that much. I used to be more concerned about it and wouldn't leave the house until I was satisfied with my appearance. In the past few years, I've realized that it doesn't matter what you look like on the outside. I know, it sounds super cheesy, but I think confidence shines brighter then any flaw. God clearly states in 1 Peter 3:3-4, that we shouldn't worry about our external beauty, but the beauties of the heart.
Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. (1 Peter 3:3-4)This past week, I've definitely been challenged in this. On Wednesday morning I woke-up with my left eye starting to swell. I hadn't been feeling good for a couple days, but I wasn't too concerned. I took the day off work to try and get rid of this cold I had started and took some meds to try and get the swelling down and get rid of this disgusting head cold.
Well, things got worse. The next day, my eye was so swollen and my lip was starting to swell-up as well. Everyone at work was concerned and at this point I new this wasn't normal. A friend of mine was feeling under the weather too, so we went to the hospital to get checked out. You have to understand that camp isn't near any big hospital. We had no choice, but to go to a rural hospital, which don't exactly have the greatest reputation and now I understand why. The doctor told us both that we had sinusitis, which is basically a sinus infection and prescribed us both medication. The doctor wasn't too concerned about my face at this point and said it's probably just some allergic reaction and to take Benadryl. Not really what I wanted to hear. So I rested for the rest of the day, took my meds and watched Star Wars, which consisted more of sleeping.
Feeling hopeful that my face was going to go back to normal, I took my meds and went to bed. Well, Friday morning, I woke-up with my eye swollen shut and a rash developing on the entire left side of my face. I was feeling really sick from the cold, from the meds I was on and this allergic reaction. My emotions were pretty high and I refused to leave my bed. I honestly have never felt so disgusting in my life, I hated the world at that moment. I knew I was over reacting, but to put things into context, I work with 13 men and two women, plus there was a school group of about 50 students waiting upstairs. I was not going to let the world see my face, which looked like the Hunchback of Notre Dame's face by this point. So, I pouted. Till they dragged me out of bed to go to the hospital once again, it took quite a few pep talks to get out of the room and I felt pretty nauseas too. So being a good friend, he drove me to the hospital again, just for a different doctor to tell me to let it "run it's course." I kind of hated her in that moment.
Not satisfied with her answer, after everyone was done work for the week, I came to the city and went to the doctors for the third time in two days. I was feeling a little down and thought I was going to be stuck like this for the rest of my life. I think these pills were seriously making me super dramatic. Anyways, this doctor seemed a little more concerned and had seemed to have the answers. It is a severe allergic reaction, but instead of "letting it run it's course," she had more meds for me to take! I am currently on four medications (crazy, right?). I take Azithromycin for the sinus infection, Prednisone, for the allergic reaction, which has some pretty hardcore side effects. I am also taking Ranitidine to help with the rash and Benadryl to also help with the allergy symptoms. Let's just say it has been a long night and day.
I've learnt so much this past week. I've learnt patience; that not everything will happen on my schedule and it will get better when it decides to get better. I've learnt that I love my face so much more when it's normal and that the flaws I had before, is nothing compared to the disgusting swollen/ rashy face that I had this week. I've also learnt to love the people I work with even more. So many of them were concerned for my health and prayed so much for me. They encouraged me and helped me see the bright side of things. I'm so excited to get back to normal and for staff training to start in just over a week! Thanks again for all of your thoughts and prayers.
Another very encouraging verse about beauty that I read today:
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)
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